A Drink With Dragons
Jul. 7th, 2011 11:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pallas_athenaI would be commenting on the recent News Of The World/News International kerfuffle, but ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
webofevil is already doing a far better job. Short version: Newspapers have narrow profit margins; closing the News of the World will cost Murdoch nothing, and launching the new Sunday edition of the Sun will cost him pocket change. (Hell, it might even go into short-term profit-- a miraculous state for a newspaper.) The real prize is the BSkyB deal, which looks set to go ahead: proof, if proof were needed, that no matter how rank the cesspit in which Murdoch stands, he can always get Parliament to clean off his shoes. With their tongues.
But let's get to the real story: the imminent release of the next volume of A Thingy Of Thingies, AKA The Knights Who Say Fuck, AKA George RR Martin's ongoing shag-maim-destroy-and-piss-on-the-ruins party.
If you haven't read these, don't start: going by the evidence, it's going to be at least five years before the next book. But for those poor souls who've started and therefore must finish, here's the very thing you need: a handy and clever drinking game. Of course, you could just start drinking on Page 1 and keep on chugging till the pain stops, but then you might pass out and drool all over your lovely new book. Far better to undertake the necessary brain-soaking in a responsible manner, regulated by the following terms:
Gratuitous reference to the state of someone's wang-- drink
Excretory functions described in loving detail-- drink
Description of sex that makes you never want to have sex again-- drink
Incest-- drink
Loss of body part-- drink
Death-- drink
More than one death-- one drink each
Death of POV character-- kill your drink
Death of character you quite liked-- weep into drink
Death of character you found horribly annoying-- DRINK EVERYTHING
Character you found horribly annoying kills character you quite liked-- spill drink on book, set on fire
Walder Frey finally, finally fucking dies already-- drink
Any character written off as dead in the last book shows up not-dead-- drink
Either Clegane brother shows up in a not-entirely-dead state-- kill your drink
"Cunt" uttered-- drink
"Winter is coming"-- drink
"Who are you? No one"-- drink
"This is not the day I die"-- drink
Three-eyed crow reference-- drink
Finally find out what the fuck the three-eyed crow is-- drink thrice
Raven says something symbolic-- drink
Daenerys being a giant cocktease--drink
Sam being annoying-- drink
Sam gets laid-- kill your drink
Stannis being an arse-- drink
Stannis dies-- set drink on fire, then chug
Others show up-- drink
Two Starks meet-- kill entire bottle
If one is Catelyn, extra bottle may be necessary
We finally fucking get told who Jon Snow's parents are-- drink everything in the entire.goddamn.house.
webofevil is already doing a far better job. Short version: Newspapers have narrow profit margins; closing the News of the World will cost Murdoch nothing, and launching the new Sunday edition of the Sun will cost him pocket change. (Hell, it might even go into short-term profit-- a miraculous state for a newspaper.) The real prize is the BSkyB deal, which looks set to go ahead: proof, if proof were needed, that no matter how rank the cesspit in which Murdoch stands, he can always get Parliament to clean off his shoes. With their tongues.But let's get to the real story: the imminent release of the next volume of A Thingy Of Thingies, AKA The Knights Who Say Fuck, AKA George RR Martin's ongoing shag-maim-destroy-and-piss-on-the-ruins party.
If you haven't read these, don't start: going by the evidence, it's going to be at least five years before the next book. But for those poor souls who've started and therefore must finish, here's the very thing you need: a handy and clever drinking game. Of course, you could just start drinking on Page 1 and keep on chugging till the pain stops, but then you might pass out and drool all over your lovely new book. Far better to undertake the necessary brain-soaking in a responsible manner, regulated by the following terms:
Gratuitous reference to the state of someone's wang-- drink
Excretory functions described in loving detail-- drink
Description of sex that makes you never want to have sex again-- drink
Incest-- drink
Loss of body part-- drink
Death-- drink
More than one death-- one drink each
Death of POV character-- kill your drink
Death of character you quite liked-- weep into drink
Death of character you found horribly annoying-- DRINK EVERYTHING
Character you found horribly annoying kills character you quite liked-- spill drink on book, set on fire
Walder Frey finally, finally fucking dies already-- drink
Any character written off as dead in the last book shows up not-dead-- drink
Either Clegane brother shows up in a not-entirely-dead state-- kill your drink
"Cunt" uttered-- drink
"Winter is coming"-- drink
"Who are you? No one"-- drink
"This is not the day I die"-- drink
Three-eyed crow reference-- drink
Finally find out what the fuck the three-eyed crow is-- drink thrice
Raven says something symbolic-- drink
Daenerys being a giant cocktease--drink
Sam being annoying-- drink
Sam gets laid-- kill your drink
Stannis being an arse-- drink
Stannis dies-- set drink on fire, then chug
Others show up-- drink
Two Starks meet-- kill entire bottle
If one is Catelyn, extra bottle may be necessary
We finally fucking get told who Jon Snow's parents are-- drink everything in the entire.goddamn.house.