Liveblogging England vs Germany
Jun. 27th, 2010 01:58 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pallas_athenaI'll be liveblogging England vs Germany at 3pm today! (This definitely counts as "having a life." Shut up.)
Some pre-match links:
Psychic Octopus Predicts German Victory; England Helpless Against Might Of The Great Old Ones
Vuvuzela Concert by gentlemen of the Konzerthaus Orchestra Berlin. If you haven't heard Ravel's Bolero performed on the vuvuzela, then it is my sad duty to inform you that you have not lived.
2.56: National Anthems are officially a draw. Equally mediocre singing from both sides.
2.59: The German coach hath a lean and hungry look. I trust him not. Such men are dangerous.
3.00: Here we go! There is some serious ball-kicking going on out there.
3.02: Rooney is offside after a sort of limp poke at the goal. The goal is disappointed.
3.05: An Englishman and a German manage to head the ball AT THE SAME TIME. The ball is happy!
3.08: 2heads1ball.com would probably get a lot of hits for all the wrong reasons.
3.09: Glen Johnson probably has the best hair on the England side. Sadly everyone else fails to live up to his example. FOOTBALL WATCHERS WHO KNOW NOTHING ABOUT FOOTBALL DEMAND BETTER HAIR.
3.16: German player Khedira also has decent hair. Bit '70s, though.
3:18: An England player eats astroturf! The resulting free kick is futile though. Try more violence! That might work!
3.19: Germany scores!! Those are some happy Germans.
3.21: The English goalie at least has the consolation of having nice hair.
3.23: Did a German player just ricochet the ball off another German player's butt? Class!
3.27: Hahaha, an England player just booted the ball into the referree. Takes talent.
3.29: The psychic octopus is looking spot on so far. Fhootball fhtagn!
3.31: Another German goal! Shots of happy bouncing Germans in the stands. BBC commentators are, once again, channeling Strindberg.
3.33: Apparently Fabio Cappello has been seen praying. It works! England almost score!
3.35: England has a goal! This appears to make them feel better. There, there.
3.37: England have another goal! Except the referree doesn't appear to notice. FAIL.
3.42: According to the BBC commentators, German player Özil "tends to drift into space unnoticed."
3.43: Halftime! Ooo, they showed Mick Jagger looking angry in the stands. Take cover.
Everyone seems to be angry about that goalFAIL at 3.37. I blame the psychic octopus. It has obviously summoned its brother- and sister- tentacular horrors from dread Rl'yeh to open a rift in the ref's mind through which they may feed upon his madness and, eventually, overrun the Earth. It is hard to distinguish the goal line when you are staring into the non-Euclidean abyss of another dimension.
4.02: The Germans have a player named "Schweinsteiger." I think this is awesome, but not as awesome as US player Herculez Gomez.
4.04: Some people in the stands are eating these sort of grey ovals. I have no idea what those are.
4.06: England have nearly scored a couple of goals. A couple of yellow cards against Germany. Come on boys, do something interesting!
4.10: German goalie Neuer is some kind of übermensch! Even though his hair is boring.
4.14: Der übergoalie strikes again! Dude's a brick wall.
4.21: A third German goal. Game over, I think, though I'd love to see the Brits make a fight of it.
4.23: And again! Are they going to score one for each arm of the octopus?
4.31: The despair among the commentators is palpable. We've gone beyond Strindberg and into, I think, late Ibsen.
4.33: A moment of silence.
4.35: Glen Johnson gets a yellow card! Refs unswayed by his excellent hair.
4.38: Commentator: "Mick's not gettin' any satisfaction, is he?"
4.43: The German passing game is superb enough to make grown men weep. All they have to do is play kickball until the whistle.
4.46: 2 minutes' extra time!?!? Man, the refs must really hate England.
4.47: The commentators have begun welcoming their new German overlords.
4.48: ...And there's the whistle. Game over! Fabio Cappello looks weepy; English players hand over their jerseys and call the Germans their daddy.
Goodnight, sweet England, and flights of vuvuzelas sing thee to thy rest.
Some pre-match links:
Psychic Octopus Predicts German Victory; England Helpless Against Might Of The Great Old Ones
Vuvuzela Concert by gentlemen of the Konzerthaus Orchestra Berlin. If you haven't heard Ravel's Bolero performed on the vuvuzela, then it is my sad duty to inform you that you have not lived.
2.56: National Anthems are officially a draw. Equally mediocre singing from both sides.
2.59: The German coach hath a lean and hungry look. I trust him not. Such men are dangerous.
3.00: Here we go! There is some serious ball-kicking going on out there.
3.02: Rooney is offside after a sort of limp poke at the goal. The goal is disappointed.
3.05: An Englishman and a German manage to head the ball AT THE SAME TIME. The ball is happy!
3.08: 2heads1ball.com would probably get a lot of hits for all the wrong reasons.
3.09: Glen Johnson probably has the best hair on the England side. Sadly everyone else fails to live up to his example. FOOTBALL WATCHERS WHO KNOW NOTHING ABOUT FOOTBALL DEMAND BETTER HAIR.
3.16: German player Khedira also has decent hair. Bit '70s, though.
3:18: An England player eats astroturf! The resulting free kick is futile though. Try more violence! That might work!
3.19: Germany scores!! Those are some happy Germans.
3.21: The English goalie at least has the consolation of having nice hair.
3.23: Did a German player just ricochet the ball off another German player's butt? Class!
3.27: Hahaha, an England player just booted the ball into the referree. Takes talent.
3.29: The psychic octopus is looking spot on so far. Fhootball fhtagn!
3.31: Another German goal! Shots of happy bouncing Germans in the stands. BBC commentators are, once again, channeling Strindberg.
3.33: Apparently Fabio Cappello has been seen praying. It works! England almost score!
3.35: England has a goal! This appears to make them feel better. There, there.
3.37: England have another goal! Except the referree doesn't appear to notice. FAIL.
3.42: According to the BBC commentators, German player Özil "tends to drift into space unnoticed."
3.43: Halftime! Ooo, they showed Mick Jagger looking angry in the stands. Take cover.
Everyone seems to be angry about that goalFAIL at 3.37. I blame the psychic octopus. It has obviously summoned its brother- and sister- tentacular horrors from dread Rl'yeh to open a rift in the ref's mind through which they may feed upon his madness and, eventually, overrun the Earth. It is hard to distinguish the goal line when you are staring into the non-Euclidean abyss of another dimension.
4.02: The Germans have a player named "Schweinsteiger." I think this is awesome, but not as awesome as US player Herculez Gomez.
4.04: Some people in the stands are eating these sort of grey ovals. I have no idea what those are.
4.06: England have nearly scored a couple of goals. A couple of yellow cards against Germany. Come on boys, do something interesting!
4.10: German goalie Neuer is some kind of übermensch! Even though his hair is boring.
4.14: Der übergoalie strikes again! Dude's a brick wall.
4.21: A third German goal. Game over, I think, though I'd love to see the Brits make a fight of it.
4.23: And again! Are they going to score one for each arm of the octopus?
4.31: The despair among the commentators is palpable. We've gone beyond Strindberg and into, I think, late Ibsen.
4.33: A moment of silence.
4.35: Glen Johnson gets a yellow card! Refs unswayed by his excellent hair.
4.38: Commentator: "Mick's not gettin' any satisfaction, is he?"
4.43: The German passing game is superb enough to make grown men weep. All they have to do is play kickball until the whistle.
4.46: 2 minutes' extra time!?!? Man, the refs must really hate England.
4.47: The commentators have begun welcoming their new German overlords.
4.48: ...And there's the whistle. Game over! Fabio Cappello looks weepy; English players hand over their jerseys and call the Germans their daddy.
Goodnight, sweet England, and flights of vuvuzelas sing thee to thy rest.
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