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pallas_athenaFour-legged duckling hatches in Hampshire.
Yes, all right, he's small and fluffy and yellow-- but combined with the recent Stateside news of an Unkillable (or possibly Zombie) Duck* this starts to look more sinister. Do I have to spell it out for you?
...I do? OK. Picture this: Long ago, your kind decided that occasionally being aromatic and crispy was an acceptable exchange for an otherwise idyllic career of looking picturesque in rivers and having breadcrumbs lobbed at you in urban parks. All that has changed, however, with the advent of H5N1 bird flu. Suddenly, it's looking increasingly as though you might be rounded up, stuffed into bags and gassed into oblivion without so much as a splash of hoisin sauce to mark your passing. Even the most peaceloving members of your species can't argue: now is the time to start fighting back.
And so it begins. Genetic experiments are even now being conducted to transform the humble duck into an elite fighting machine. Think about it: the duck is a unit uniquely suited to combat by land, sea and air. It can do its own reconaissance, and it already has large bases of operations in both rural and urban areas throughout the country. Once the ducks get an espionage network in place, the human race will have no secrets from them. What happens when they get their webbed digits on stealth technology? On NUCLEAR technology? Four-legged unkillable ducks are just the beginning! Watch the skies, my friend, watch the skies!
*On a Google search for "unkillable duck", that entry is one of only two results that come up. The other one is MTV. No, I don't know why either.
Yes, all right, he's small and fluffy and yellow-- but combined with the recent Stateside news of an Unkillable (or possibly Zombie) Duck* this starts to look more sinister. Do I have to spell it out for you?
...I do? OK. Picture this: Long ago, your kind decided that occasionally being aromatic and crispy was an acceptable exchange for an otherwise idyllic career of looking picturesque in rivers and having breadcrumbs lobbed at you in urban parks. All that has changed, however, with the advent of H5N1 bird flu. Suddenly, it's looking increasingly as though you might be rounded up, stuffed into bags and gassed into oblivion without so much as a splash of hoisin sauce to mark your passing. Even the most peaceloving members of your species can't argue: now is the time to start fighting back.
And so it begins. Genetic experiments are even now being conducted to transform the humble duck into an elite fighting machine. Think about it: the duck is a unit uniquely suited to combat by land, sea and air. It can do its own reconaissance, and it already has large bases of operations in both rural and urban areas throughout the country. Once the ducks get an espionage network in place, the human race will have no secrets from them. What happens when they get their webbed digits on stealth technology? On NUCLEAR technology? Four-legged unkillable ducks are just the beginning! Watch the skies, my friend, watch the skies!
*On a Google search for "unkillable duck", that entry is one of only two results that come up. The other one is MTV. No, I don't know why either.