Things I will change once I am in charge of the world's air travel network:

1. Architecture that doesn't suck. Roofs that are open to the sky, palm trees, colonies of spider monkeys swinging to and fro between check-in desks. Gothic arches, stained glass windows, anything except strip lighting and institutional flooring the colour of vomit.

2. Airport shopping will involve market stalls full of interesting items, mad inventions and strangely tasty food. Ideally my reforms will create an entire culture of itinerant craftspeople flying from airport to airport with their wares. (You'll still be able to buy booze in airports, though, because something has to kill the memory of those fluorescently lit racks of duty free trophy-wife perfume.)

3. All small children to be cryogenically frozen for the duration of the flight. At the destination, they will be returned to the parent or guardian in an attractive display case. Microwaves will be provided on site to defrost them if you must.

3a. I believe this practice to be more humane than my previous invention, the Small Child Ejector Seat^TM.

4. The current ticketing class system (Economy, First, etc) will be scrapped. All seats will be equally comfortable and spacious. Instead the cabin will be divided into soundproofed sections labelled Loud-Ass and STFU.

5. In addition, all airplanes will come equipped with a swimming pool, a climbing wall and a Dance Dance Revolution tournament space.

6. The announcement "We are experiencing some turbulence" must always be followed by the phrase "WOO HOO".

7. Parachutes will be clearly marked with a sign saying "IF YOU'RE BORED."

...Anyone got any more suggestions?

Things I will change once I am in charge of the world's air travel network:

1. Architecture that doesn't suck. Roofs that are open to the sky, palm trees, colonies of spider monkeys swinging to and fro between check-in desks. Gothic arches, stained glass windows, anything except strip lighting and institutional flooring the colour of vomit.

2. Airport shopping will involve market stalls full of interesting items, mad inventions and strangely tasty food. Ideally my reforms will create an entire culture of itinerant craftspeople flying from airport to airport with their wares. (You'll still be able to buy booze in airports, though, because something has to kill the memory of those fluorescently lit racks of duty free trophy-wife perfume.)

3. All small children to be cryogenically frozen for the duration of the flight. At the destination, they will be returned to the parent or guardian in an attractive display case. Microwaves will be provided on site to defrost them if you must.

3a. I believe this practice to be more humane than my previous invention, the Small Child Ejector Seat^TM.

4. The current ticketing class system (Economy, First, etc) will be scrapped. All seats will be equally comfortable and spacious. Instead the cabin will be divided into soundproofed sections labelled Loud-Ass and STFU.

5. In addition, all airplanes will come equipped with a swimming pool, a climbing wall and a Dance Dance Revolution tournament space.

6. The announcement "We are experiencing some turbulence" must always be followed by the phrase "WOO HOO".

7. Parachutes will be clearly marked with a sign saying "IF YOU'RE BORED."

...Anyone got any more suggestions?